So, I finished the week's detox and on the last morning felt really apprehensive about coming back. I had absolutely no idea what it would be like. I looked around at the bubble I'd been in and said my goodbyes - and it really was a bubble. You spend all that time just drinking juices and breathing and urging memories to float to the top and teasing emotions to the front. You are in such a safe environment and encouraged to stop thinking and start paying REAL attention to how you feel every moment and of course I had been doing my own learning too when I had spare time. I feasted on Alchemy Past & Present (The Royal Art of Transformation) and Eckhart Tolle's Findhorn Retreat. I spent a lot of my time really trying to bring myself to the present to truly notice and feel what's happening at every moment.
I jumped in the car with one of the girls heading for Manchester and the journey took us all along the Welsh coastline which was stunning and then 3 hours right through the middle of autumn. Beautiful and a perfect, perfect finish.
Once your body has fasted for 6 days you have to be very careful introducing solids which if I'm honest in the past I've paid no attention to when I've done short detoxes but this time something has changed. I actually have no interest whatsoever in a glass of wine or a beer, or foods that aren't good for me. Somehow I've found a deep respect for all the organs in my body and that's a new thing for me. All in just one week.
I have to slowly introduce foods back into my everyday and be gentle with my body and myself which is usually a difficult thing but something feels so good deep inside now and I don't want it to go away so I feel quite happy to go along slowly. I wake up every morning really early and I'm straight out of bed and bright eyed and bushy tailed! That hasn't happened since I was a kid. I feel relaxed. I don't feel sluggish or tired. All the things I was feeling before have cleared.
I tell you what - it was mad to walk around the city centre the afternoon I got back - everyone seemed so stressed and busy. The lines on peoples faces seemed to give me a window into their everyday. I watched for a while and it felt like I'd been given a brand new pair of seeing glasses! The world looked so different. I have to say too, as I walked around so many people seemed to take a second look at me or turn round to watch me pass. I think I must've had a big smile on my face.
It didn't last though as quite quickly my life came back in and my phone started ringing and emails flowed and work piled and it's taking me time to figure out how to use the new tools I have been given on the retreat but it is working slowly and I'll get there. Its so difficult to remember that we are each in charge of making ourselves feel good. I often expect treatment from others to make me feel good and now I'm starting to work out how that works. Its my job to feel good and if someone else's behaviour stresses me out its up to me to not be affected by it and if I am, to walk away and not be offended by it but to look after myself. I certainly don't need to flare up which is what I'm used to doing! I'm learning. I won't ever go back to how stressed I was before I went in.
Best part is my voice feels like a brand new instrument and is able to do things I couldn't before even before warming up.
So, another life changing experience for me and I'm sure for everyone who was there.
Thanks for reading - its been lovely to know that someone is there. My EP is here if you haven't got it yet. Till the next Crazy Fm reason... Crazy Fm - not in the morning - in yer mind. x